So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
