i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
