That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
