Is it normal to miss your booty call?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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