its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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