The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
and you fell through a lawn chair
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
