I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
home. puking in laundry basket.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
