i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
