you guys were way drunker than both of me
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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