there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
