Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
