Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize