I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
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