Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
