no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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