Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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