just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
