I feel like abortions should bother me more
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
