she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
MIDGETS
????
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
