remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
