that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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