someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It's just like the Real World with babies
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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