Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
