You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
