is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
