Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
