It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
