Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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