You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
