ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
