I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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