Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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