I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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