break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Everclear isn't food dammit
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
