my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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