i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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