she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
