it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
