You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
