Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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