Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Barsexuality is the new black.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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