he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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