Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
