Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
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my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
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gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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