Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
