I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
