Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
