Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
