I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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