oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
