1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
