you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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