Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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