is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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