so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
