I think i peed on brittanys purse
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
