I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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