he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Randomize
