you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
