didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
