how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
