drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
