someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize