Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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